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Identity Shift – Becoming Who You Say You Want to Be
This morning, during my tea time and some quiet reflection, I found myself wrestling with something I’ve been avoiding.
I want a consistent meditation practice. I’ve wanted it for a long time. But the truth? I’ve wanted a lot of things I haven’t fully followed through on and it made me realize why some dreams remain dreams and others become my reality:
- Better health and weight loss
- Regular journaling
- A thriving business and financial ease
- More quality time with my husband
- Decluttering my home, office, and yard
- Gaining control over the digital overwhelm
- Better sleep
When I looked at this list, something clicked. There is one area where I have followed through.
One area where, no matter what challenges came up, I stayed committed.
That area was quality time with my husband.
That didn’t happen because I suddenly had perfect discipline. It happened because I had an identity shift.
I decided this is who I am in this relationship, and who I want to be. I chose to make decisions from that place. I anchored my choices in the belief that time with him is precious—and I acted accordingly.
It became easy to say “no” to other things so I could say “yes” to us—whether that meant going somewhere together, taking a road trip, or just agreeing to plans without a big debate. Whatever brought us closer together became an easy yes.
I still had my independence, but being together became a priority that no longer felt like I was sacrificing something else. It felt natural. It felt like the right thing to do.
And it got me thinking… these other areas of my life still feel hard sometimes.
And I suspect for you, they do too.
That’s when I realized: this ease came because of an identity shift. I wanted this more than anything else. It became non-negotiable.
So how do you step into a new identity?
- Want it more than you can tolerate the opposite.
If you say you want to lose weight but you can still live with the way things are, there’s no urgency, no deep commitment. Identity shift happens when the opposite becomes unbearable.
- Anchor into your values.
My value around connection and relationships guided every choice this summer. When your value is crystal clear, decisions become easier.
- Commit with both feet in.
One foot in and one foot out means you’re still holding onto something else that’s meeting a need—often without realizing it. To fully commit, you have to let go of what’s filling that space.
- Do the mental work AND the physical work.
Strategy and action matter—but so does mindset, belief, and visualization. You can hire someone to clean your yard or you can do it yourself, but either way, if it matters, you make it happen.
I’ve seen this play out with my clients too. They dream, they desire, they talk about the thing they want—but until they step fully into the identity of the person who has it, they hover in “dabbling mode.”
When they make the shift, everything changes. The follow-through becomes natural. Progress happens faster. And most importantly—it stops feeling like a constant battle.
And they know in that moment that they were capable. They were strong enough!
Key Takeaways for You
- Choose one area of your life right now where you’re ready to make an identity shift—something you want so much that the opposite feels unacceptable.
- Get clear on the value behind it. If you don’t know the “why,” the “how” will always feel like hard work.
- Put both feet in. Stop dabbling. Stop “trying.” Decide.
Coaching Thoughts to Ponder
- Where in your life have you already made an identity shift? What’s different about that area?
- What’s one thing you say matters to you but still feels like hard work? What would it take to make it feel natural?
- What belief, habit, or need is keeping one foot out of full commitment?
If you’re ready to stop dabbling and step into the identity of the person who already has what you want, I can help you make that shift.
Let’s explore what that could look like for you. Book a free 30 minute Clarity Call.
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