Hey there Reader,
The Power of Self-Kindness: Learning to Let Life Unfold
It’s a rainy Sunday, the kind that invites stillness.
I’ve had a lazy day—one of many lately. Not lazy in a way that feels indulgent, but the kind where I start with good intentions, only to watch them dissolve into nothingness.
The expectations I set for myself seem to disappear as quickly as they arrive. I end up doing less than I planned, feeling unsure of what I even want, and I just… am.
I don’t know if it’s aging, or simply a shift in perspective, but time feels different now.
I’m beginning to see how precious it is—more precious than I ever imagined when I was caught up in the perpetual cycle of achievement.
I spent years running on that treadmill, pushing forward, checking boxes, believing that was the way to live fully. But at some point, without even realizing it, I stepped away.
And now, I find myself questioning: What do I really want my life to look like?
The Inner Battle: Productivity vs. Rest
I feel like I’m in a quiet battle with myself.
On one side, there’s the voice telling me to do more, be more, accomplish more.
Life is short—don’t waste it!
Then, there’s the other voice whispering, I’m tired. Maybe I’ve been tired for a long time. Maybe you have too.
The exhaustion isn’t just physical. It’s the kind that settles into your bones after years of showing up for others, working hard, striving for success, maintaining independence, building security. It’s deeper than burnout. It’s the weight of expectations—some from the outside world, but most from within.
And I wonder:
- Why do I judge myself so harshly for resting?
- Why is self-kindness so hard to give?
- What if letting go was the most productive thing I could do?
Lessons from My Mother: The Power of Self-Kindness
Tomorrow would have been my mother’s birthday. She’s been gone 11 years, but she’s still with me—her voice in my head, her love in my heart. If you’ve ever been fiercely loved by a parent, you know what a gift that is. I was lucky.
One thing she always said to me: “Do what it is that you love.”
Simple words. Hard to live by.
For so long, my love was wrapped up in taking care of others—my family, my work, my purpose. But what about me? Is that all I am? Who am I beyond those roles? What do I love?
I don’t have all the answers yet. But I’m starting to see that the key isn’t about figuring it all out. It’s about giving myself permission—to pause, to be uncertain, to stop forcing and start allowing.
The Concept of Maitri: Kindness to Self
A few years ago, when I first started thinking about coaching, I came across the Sanskrit word Maitri, which means unconditional acceptance or loving kindness towards ourselves. It stuck with me.
We often talk about kindness as something we give to others, but what about how we treat ourselves? Maitri reminds me to care for myself holistically:
- Body – Am I nourishing it? Moving it? Giving it rest?
- Mind – Am I speaking to myself with compassion? Filtering what I consume?
- Spirit – Am I nurturing my emotional well-being? Connecting with what brings me peace?
Yet even knowing this, I still catch myself in the loop of self-criticism. Even at the end of a slow Sunday, I hear the voice creeping in: What did you actually accomplish today?
And that’s when I have to consciously remind myself—this is where self-kindness matters most.
Recognizing Stress Signals
Part of self-kindness is recognizing when I need it most. Over time, I’ve noticed my own stress signals:
- My stomach gets upset
- Swearing (yep, it happens)
- Making endless to-do lists just to feel in control
- Staying up extra late and eating salty foods ( chips ugh!)
- Rushing from task to task-not completing anything
When these things start showing up, it’s my cue: Pause. Breathe. Be kind to yourself.
We’re often so much better at being kind to others than we are to ourselves. Somewhere along the way, we’ve internalized the idea that self-kindness is weakness—that if we’re not pushing ourselves harder, we’re falling behind. But the truth is, when we neglect self-kindness, we suffer. We become less creative, more anxious, and stuck in cycles of imposter syndrome.
Making a P.A.C.T. with Myself
I recently came across the P.A.C.T. process from Emma-Louise Elsey, and it resonated with me. She also speaks to the importance of knowing your own stress signals and I certainly share some of the ones she has. The P.A.C.T. process is a simple but powerful way to practice self-kindness when you recognize those stress signals creeping in.
- PAUSE – Slow down. Acknowledge how you’re feeling.
- ASK – What do I need right now? What would self-kindness look like?
- CHOOSE – Decide what you’ll do for yourself.
- TIME – Take action now or commit to when you will.
It’s not always easy. But it’s necessary. Because without self-kindness, the road ahead is so much harder than it needs to be.
Redefining Success
So, I’m working on shifting my own definition of success. Not in terms of productivity or accomplishments, but in moments:
- Laughing every day
- Telling someone I love them
- Finding connection—whether with a friend, a book, or simply myself
- Letting go of the pressure to do more
- Recognizing that I am enough just as I am
Success isn’t about accumulation—of achievements, wealth, or status. It’s about presence. It’s about knowing that sometimes, the most meaningful moments are the ones we allow rather than force.
Today, success looked like listening to the rain, watching my son make dinner, drinking a special hot drink my husband made for me, and simply being.
And that’s enough.
So, if you need the reminder today: You are not failing. You are not falling behind. Give yourself permission to rest. Let go of the expectations that steal your joy. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. And trust that life is unfolding exactly as it should.
Updates...
- A heartfelt thank you for joining the Spring Renewal call! It was great to spend that time together. One thing that stood out? The deep need for more community and connection—you are not alone in this journey. I did promise those of you who made the call a one page highlight sheet. That will be coming shortly.
As I plan future workshops, I’d love to hear from you! What topics, challenges, or experiences would bring the most value to you? Let me know.
More to come soon, but for now, just know how grateful I am for you.
💛With warmth,
Marianne
Staying Connected
As always Reader, if this has value for you drop me a line and please share this with anyone who you think may be interested.
If you are interested in subscribing to my newsletter and getting updates then hit the link below and you will get a free guide on "The 7 Steps to Banishing Burnout" as my thank you and you will be added to the list. Enjoy!